“JackedUp” No More


Summit Little Whiteface Dawn Christmas Morning, after High intensity Interval session on Victoria in the predawn.

The following report cannot be corroborated, confirmed, and or denied.

Jackedup” no more.

The Al Jazeera news agency has dropped another bombshell. This time, the news concerns Masters skiing legend,Jackedupoldman, AKA Duncan Douglas.

According to Al Jazeera, due to “extreme wussyness”, Douglas is being stripped of his “Jackedup” title and is now being downgraded to “Oldmantraining”.

An unnamed source close to Douglas had this to say “All I heard about for the last 3 months was “I’m going to KILL everyone at the West Yellowstone Super Tour”. When that went sideways due to “Slow skis, cold temperatures, and my hat was too loose and sweat got in my eyes”, all I heard about was “I am going to win the 30k at Nationals”. Now, with the race a week away, he tells me, “I am blowing off Nationals, doing that stupid 30k would cut into my training. I think I will go train at altitude and go to the Grand Teton Classic race in Driggs Idaho.”

According to this confidential source, Douglas is now focused on racing lower caliber fields in an attempt to win prizes, specifically, Chocolate. “He told me “I have skied for glory, I have skied for country, now I ski for chocolate”. Nationals didn’t have anything but money, medals, and a trip to the World Cup for winning, but this race in the middle of nowhere is giving a BIG Hershey’s Chocolate bar, WITH almonds!”

Even worst, and the main reason Double D as he is also known, is being stripped of his “Jackedup” title is that in this unknown race in the middle of nowhere, he won’t go “All In” and double pole the mere 28k distance.

When questioned about his plans for the race Douglas said this “Yeah, so what if the best skiers in the world double pole 90k events, I want to work on my glide and stride, just in case I might ski another classic race this decade”.

While his legion of fans are sickened by this new attitude, it should come as no surprise to those closest to the man formerly known as “Jackedup”.

“I could never figure out how he could train 4 hours a day, burn 6,000 calories – and gain ten pounds” said another close associate. “Now it all makes sense, chocolate was bringing him down”.

Another unsubstantiated rumor also has Douglas skipping Spring Distance Nationals to race in a undisclosed event out west on Easter Sunday where the first place prize is reported to be a “three foot tall chocolate Easter Bunny”.

Al Jazeera concluded its news report by saying “The fall from grace was a sudden one for the former Jackedupoldman, but clearly, he is now “Oldmantraining”.

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